


Flight Rising Discord Presents: YOOGEEYO - Deliciously Wicked

by BlackStatic



Series: Crackfics [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: M/M, Really Really Dumb, caps lock warning, crackfic, profanity warning, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:36:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7456552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackStatic/pseuds/BlackStatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long ago, last Monday on the 32st of Decembruary, in a quiet K-mart on the outskirts of the Shadow Realm, Joey Wheeler's attempts to spy on Miho go thwarted by a sudden duel. </p><p>Crackfic written by members of the Flight Rising Discord Chat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flight Rising Discord Presents: YOOGEEYO - Deliciously Wicked

**Author's Note:**

> Starring:
> 
> Zrcalo as Koiba  
> BlackStatic as Yoghurt/Yummy Mofo and Brooklyn  
> Meta as Random Store Clerk  
> Bill as himself
> 
> Cover art by Meta.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE K MART, THERE WAS A SHUFFLING SOUND COMING FROM THE CLOTHES RACK. IT WAS BROOKLYN SPYING ON PURPLE-CHAN TO GET HER NUMBER. KOIBA PEERED OUT BETWEEN THE SWIM TRUCKS ON THE CLOTHING RACK AS HE INCHED TOWARDS THEM. WHAT TRUCKS WERE DOING IN A CLOTHING RACK, NOBODY KNOWS, BUT YUMMY WAS LIKE "WHATEVER BRO THIS IS THE EDGELORD REALM". KOIBA KEPT SCOOTING TOWARDS MOFO THINKING HE COULDNT BE SEEN. 

"SURPRISE BITCH" YUMMY SPRUNG FROM THE SHADOWS AND IN THE PROCESS, CRASH LANDED ON BROOKLYN WHO STAGGERED INTO KOIBA WITH A LOUD "NYEH".

KOIBA SCREAMED AT HIM TO GET THE FUCK OFF HIS CLOTHES YOU DIRTY PIECE OF SHIT.

YUMMY SNEERED AT KOIBA AND SAID "WHAT A SHAME GAYBAH, NOW YOU HAVE PEASANT GERMS ON A SHIRT YOU OBVIOUSLY PAID MONEY FOR AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO CRY".

KOIBA SCREAMED AT HIM "I AM NOT GOING TO CRY!! YOU MAY HAVE SEEN ME AT THE CIRCLE K, BUT I AM OUT FOR REVENGE NOW, AND YOU JUST ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD!" KOIBA THEN THREW THE ENTIRE RACK OF TRUCKS AT YUMMY.

YUMMY BACKFLIPPED OUT OF THE WAY WITH HIS SWAG MOVES BUT UNFORTUNATELY HIS DORITO BLING FLEW OFF HIS NECK IN THE PROCESS AND BROOKLYN CAUGHT IT BEFORE BEING CRUSHED UNDER A TRUCK, SO WITHOUT HIS BITCHIN' CHAIN YOGHURT STARTED CRYING IN CONFUSION.

KOIBA CACKLED EVILLY AS HE WAS ON HIS KNEES. "I'VE DONE IT. I'VE DESTROYED YOU. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS NOW DEAD! AND HIS EGYPTIAN GOD CARD IS MINE!" HE PAUSED. "WAIT NO JUST GIVE ME YOUR EGYPTIAN GOD CARD YOU WHINEY SON OF A BITCH"

"MY FRIEND IS DEEEEEAAAAAD" YOGHURT SQUEALED LIKE A TRIGGERED WEABOO IN THE PRESENCE OF A HATER, EYES DERPING WITH SORROW. "AND MY TRANS-ETHNIC PUBERTY KILLED HIM! IF ONLY I HADN'T BEEN SUCH AN EGYPTOPHILE MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN."

OUT OF NOWHERE BILL FLEW OFF OF YUMMY'S CHEST AND SAID "FUCK YOU, I'M DONE BEING SCREWED WITH! I'M NOT A PUZZLE, I'M AN EVIL SPIRIT!!!!"

"BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE UNDER THE TRUCK" YOGHURT QUESTIONED UNTIL HE REALISED THEY WERE STILL IN THE EDGELORD REALM AND LOGIC DIDN'T APPLY. "ALL I WANTED WAS TO PLAY CARD GAMES AND BE THE COOLEST KID ON THE BLOCK SO PEOPLE WOULDN'T BEAT ME UP AND BROOKLYN-SENPAI WOULD LOVE ME.”

KOIBA STOOD UP AND PUSHED ALL THE CLOTHES RACKS ASIDE, ANIME STYLE. HE THEN RIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT WHILE SCREAMING TO REVEAL A TIE-DYE TWEETY BIRD SHIRT. "I DONT BELIEVE ANY OF THIS EDGYPTIAN BULLSHIT YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER"

Meanwhile, The unfortunate cashier of the Circle K sat behind the counter, eyes heavy and blank with disinterest. It seemed like stupid stuff like this happened on a weekly basis, and he was definately not being paid enough to care about what was happening. He sipped on his soda and continued flipping through a sport magazine.

SOMEHOW BROOKLYN CRAWLED OUT OF THE RUBBLE AND CROAKED WEAKLY. 

"DET SHOIT IS POIFECT ON YOU KOIBA AND OI'M GONNUH WEH IT WIFF DET BEETCHUN' CHEN DET TAWLKS. BUT FOIST..." HE STAGGERED DRUNKENLY OVER TO THE CASHIER "YER GONNUH HALP ME GET LEYD. GET ME DET KOIBA'S NUMBUH OR OI'LL DOOL YA."

YOGHURT WAS TOO BUSY SOBBING TO CARE.

KOIBA TOOK ONE LOOK AT BROOKLYN AND LOOKED BACK AT MOFO, "I DONT SPEAK NO CHINGLISH YOU DIRTY POORLY DRESSED POOR-ASS GHETTO WHITE KID WANNA BE RAPPER." HE SPAT ON BROOKLYN AND WHIPPED OUT A PAIR OF SHADES AND PUT IT ON HIS FACE. 

“DUEL ME MOFO! DUEL ME!!!!”

BROOKLYN SUDDENLY REALISED HE HAD NO CARDS AND SLOWLY RETREATED TO THE CHANGEROOMS TO CRY.

KOIBA SHOUTED "I HOPE YOU DIE IN THERE." HE LOOKED BACK AT YOGHURT, "YOU MOTHERFUCKER DUEL ME!!! STOP WEEPING OVER YOUR FRIEND. HE'S GONNA DIE SOME DAY ANYWAY SO WHO GIVES A SHIT" KOIBA'S SICK ASS SUNGLASSES GLINTED IN THE INCANDESCENT LIGHT OF THE K MART.

YOGHURT LOOKED OVER AT THE DORITO PUZZLE.  
"BILL YOU GOTTA HELP ME" HE SAID ALL TEARY EYED AND ANIME-GIRL. "CARDS AREN'T GOING TO BE ENOUGH, I NEED TO USE THE ULTIMATE WEAPON BUT I'M ONLY A POOR HELPLESS LITTLE KID, TURN ME INTO YUMMY'S SWAGDAD PIMPLORD FORM, PLEASE I BEG YOU.”

"SURE THING, BUT YOU GOTTA GIVE ME YOUR SOUL CANDY IN RETURN, ALL THE SOUL CANDY!!" BILL SED, AND WINKED AND SNAPPED HIS FINGERS.

KOIBA CHECKED HIS WATCH.

"IS THIS SOME WEIRD EUPHEMISM FOR LETTING YOU TOUCH ME IN NAUGHTY WAYS?"

"I DONT GIVE A SHIT. HURRY UP AND DUEL ME." KOIBA SCREAMED.

YOGHURT FINALLY DECIDED HE HAD HAD IT WITH THIS SHIT. HE PICKED UP BILL AND PUT HIM BACK OVER HIS NECK, TURNING INTO YUMMY. HIS VOICE DEEPENED, HE GREW CHEST HAIR, HIS BALLS DROPPED AND HIS EYES GLISTENED WITH THE SWEET SEME GLINT OF DERP. 

"RIGHT THEN, YOU IMPATIENT LITTLE BRAT." HE SMIRKED COYLY. "I SUMMON LAWSUIT FOR PROPERTY DAMAGE AND CAUSING DIRECT HARM TO AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER. ALSO BULLYING KIDS AND VOIDING THE WARRANTY ON A RARE CARD." 

HE PULLED A TORN UP CIS WHITE NAZI-FUR CARD OUT OF HIS JACKET POCKET. "I'M USING THIS AS COURT EVIDENCE."

THE END


End file.
